Last sunday, at around 6PM, with acidity brimming up and the effects of hangover (which was tapered off already) being taken off with the sudharshan kriya practice which i was in the middle off, i made a resolve. I made a commitment and i was going to stick to it, NO MATTER WHAT. Oh dear god, i cant already believe what i am saying ~ how many times have i said these words to the biriyanis, tasty wraps and those chocolates and failed ever so miserably at it. And yet, this time it was very clear. It was as if i was just seeing something which was already there and i was not making it up. It was THAT clear.
The meditation session was a weekly thing ~ i was in the middle of it and it was going to take another half hour to complete the sadhana. It is a roller coaster ride ~ the sudharshan Kriya. First off all i was very happy that i am in a ritualistic sadhana these days. Be it forceful or as a pleasure seeking practice - i had been pretty regular at it these days. 2 years. And now i am at the stage where - i do it atleast 5 to 6 times a week if not 7 times/ week. so, to all those who call me yogi.. the best i can be called is an "aspiring yogi". Considering the pre 2014 performance, my meditation consistency was pretty good. This "little" success tastes even sweeter mainly because me being a yoga teacher, me having chosen the path of yoga, the fan of osho, being the self proclaimed "truth seeker", the wayne dyer fan, and so on.. Even being all that.. I still couldnt bloody sit with my eyes closed for just few minutes ("meditate"), without plugged into music or audio book. That much need to escape facing my self? That was NOT ok and i had to over come it. It took years. NOW i can do that. I can handle the monkey mind. Well - cant handle the mind per se. But, i dont get bored so easliy while sitting eyes closed and not moving. I can patiently sit and wait. It has taken some time and effort to get here.
So - the resolve, you ask? To make peace with my own thought that says - "this is too trivial", "too embarrassing to share", "people in the world are actually battling bigger issues", etc - to appease that voice in me, i am posting this disclaimer. **We all have insecurities, "bad" habits, demons to transform, seemingly-small-but-has-taken-forever-yet-hasn't-transformed unworkabilitys in life. So i am not alone in overcoming an addiction (if you can call it that)*
I have decided to lay off this need to keep myself entertained. To keep myself off the shows (no clauses). To keep me off the movies (no clauses). Not just that. To stay off faceboook, whatsapp and phone in general (clauses allowed - as minimum as possible). I have done this resolve many times. So have you. So has he, she, and that person over there. We all have done it. Yet, why can't we seem to stick to it. SIMPLE. The person who makes the commitment is not the same person who has to take the action. The person who made the commitment comes from the space of clarity, the vision of what those actions could do. The person who has to take the action of following through the commitment ~ doesn't do so ~ because they are operating out of inertia (karma, sorta) ~ because they don't hold the clear vision any more ~ because of daily mundane things taking over ~ because bahits ~ because the familiar is comfort and we all want comfort (i think.. many people resort of alcohol or smoking or any other addiction.. just because it is familiar). I am breaking this. I am going to break this habit. I am breaking this karma chain. THAT IS YOGA, isnt it?
Now the real question is? Nobody asks it! But i know i am left with the question (It has been 72 hours and i have stuck to the resolve.. btw). The question is: WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH FREED UP TIME? So that question needs to be addressed strongly. I am going to use this in my weak moments to get power to stick to the resolve.
- Get bored. Get bloody bored. Let the mind struggle with that.. and then may be write a book or 2. Or may be find out the question for the answer 42.
- Books. I know how many books are there which inspired me and called me to be read and are still in my book shelf waiting to be read
- Think! Just that!
- Day dream. (fortunately, I am my own boss. I decide when i sleep and wake up and i decide if i want to nap in the afternoon or not. YAY. This is where i feel i have done some thing right with my life.. haha)
- Learn new stuff ~ language? instruments?,
All the best to me! May the force be with me!